Step 6 and 7 of the LDS ARP manual help us prepare to have the Lord remove our weaknesses from us. Some of our weaknesses and addictions are self inflicted. Others we were born with via genetic predispositions. In Ether 12:27, the Lord is pretty specific when he says "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble."
Hmmm. Does that tell us that all our weaknesses and addictions came from Him? Does it mean that he will remove ALL our weaknesses and turn ALL of them into strengths?
Common sense, and a good dose of the spirit, should suggest to us that the Lord, in His mercy, knows exactly what we need. He also knows our future and the growth we will need to be successful in the future. For that reason, some "thorns of the flesh" (Paul's words) may be necessary parts of our lifelong growth. Other weaknesses may become strengths or removed as the Lord determines.
Trusting Him, Step 2, is part of that process.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Adult Children
I have sometimes wondered about the phrase “the sins of the parents.” The scriptures contain several instances where the sins of the parents are to be visited on the heads of the children for many generations to come.
Ever wonder how that happens?
Adult Children of Alcoholics can tell you. Those who grew up with a parent deep in addiction can tell you the effect it has on them, right through to adulthood. As they reflect, they should also be able to identify ways in which they learned to cope with the unpredictability of an addicted parent. Adult Children, with a little guidance, should point to decisions they’ve made—and continue to make—based on patterns they developed during difficult and confusing periods in their lives.
Traditionally, Adult Children grow up with three main rules concerning the world they live in:
1) Don’t Talk
2) Don’t Trust
3) Don’t Feel
These three rules kept them from being overly embarrassed, kept them from being hurt any further and gave them the emotional distance they needed, away from a loved one who could turn on them in an heartbeat. These rules were necessary coping skills for making sense of a world that often made no sense at all.
Unfortunately, these rules, so vital in childhood, later create havoc in healthy adult relationships. They prevent the kind of closeness and intimacy that is needed for long term happiness. Unless they are unlearned, they become an anvil around the neck of one searching to be happy.
I recently worked with a powerful woman who runs a large company. She is successful in helping a lot of people. She has a large staff of employees. She also carries a large “guilt” bag around with her at all times, left over from some painful child/parent experiences. Several mid management people in her company have learned they can manipulate her with anger or with blame to get what they want. As a result, she often feels powerless and stressed—in her own company, by the people she herself hired!
When we get serious about working (the dreaded) Step Four, we need to look closely at the effect others have had on us (if we are Adult Children) or the long lasting influence our addictions have had on others.
Then, with the help of the Spirit, can we begin to “see as we are seen”, so we can then picture ourselves and our behaviors as the Lord sees them. Only then will we be in a place to let the Atonement begin to gently remove those debilitating weaknesses from our lives.
I have sometimes wondered about the phrase “the sins of the parents.” The scriptures contain several instances where the sins of the parents are to be visited on the heads of the children for many generations to come.
Ever wonder how that happens?
Adult Children of Alcoholics can tell you. Those who grew up with a parent deep in addiction can tell you the effect it has on them, right through to adulthood. As they reflect, they should also be able to identify ways in which they learned to cope with the unpredictability of an addicted parent. Adult Children, with a little guidance, should point to decisions they’ve made—and continue to make—based on patterns they developed during difficult and confusing periods in their lives.
Traditionally, Adult Children grow up with three main rules concerning the world they live in:
1) Don’t Talk
2) Don’t Trust
3) Don’t Feel
These three rules kept them from being overly embarrassed, kept them from being hurt any further and gave them the emotional distance they needed, away from a loved one who could turn on them in an heartbeat. These rules were necessary coping skills for making sense of a world that often made no sense at all.
Unfortunately, these rules, so vital in childhood, later create havoc in healthy adult relationships. They prevent the kind of closeness and intimacy that is needed for long term happiness. Unless they are unlearned, they become an anvil around the neck of one searching to be happy.
I recently worked with a powerful woman who runs a large company. She is successful in helping a lot of people. She has a large staff of employees. She also carries a large “guilt” bag around with her at all times, left over from some painful child/parent experiences. Several mid management people in her company have learned they can manipulate her with anger or with blame to get what they want. As a result, she often feels powerless and stressed—in her own company, by the people she herself hired!
When we get serious about working (the dreaded) Step Four, we need to look closely at the effect others have had on us (if we are Adult Children) or the long lasting influence our addictions have had on others.
Then, with the help of the Spirit, can we begin to “see as we are seen”, so we can then picture ourselves and our behaviors as the Lord sees them. Only then will we be in a place to let the Atonement begin to gently remove those debilitating weaknesses from our lives.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Weaknesses
Today, in Gospel Doctrine, we talked about the statement, found in Ether 12, that if when we come unto Christ he will show unto us "our weakness".
We have a quick tendency to read this verse as "our weaknesses"; meaning, that when we submit to God, he shows us our flaws and faults and then empowers us to overcome them. This is certainly true. The healing process results in being cleansed of our addictive weaknesses by the power of the Atonement. Weak things and bad habits can become surely become strengths.
In Moroni's case, the specific weakness he worried about was his inability to write well enough to overcome the mocking scrutiny of the future gentiles who would read his writings. The Lord responsed by telling him that His "grace" will be sufficient to make up for any and all writing shortcomings Moroni had.
There is, however, another, more fundamental meaning to the verse. It does not read "weaknesses" (plural); rather, it was translated as "weakness", singular. ONE large weakness. Before we can fully submit and seek out relief from the Lord's Atonement we must first admit, often grudgingly, that we need Him in the first place. We have finally realize that we do not, nor will we ever, possess the capacity and capability to heal our ourselves from the earthstains we're soiled with.
Our one glaring weakness from which we need rescuing? Our fallen state. We've fallen and we can't get up! We are in desparate need for that Balm of Giliad only He can provide. When we come to Christ and learn of His Atonement, we come to more fully understand the enormous weakness for which we will never have enough willpower to overcome. Our human condition is our major weakness; it is our potential downfall. It is also our greatess blessing, however, as it prepares us for the eternities.
How does our weakness prepare us? When we realize just how much we do not know, we quit relying on our own strengths and begin to turn to that Celestial University from which we can graduate with honors. We have a heavenly benefactor who will tudor and inspire us to keep trying until our inherant weakness has become our strength.
One day, when we stand humbly in heavenly courts, our weakness, now overcome, will be for us a badge of honor. Like our Master, we will have tread the path and, with his intervention, we overcame. At that point, our former weakness will have become a proof of our successful struggle and of the Lord's great mercy.
Maybe we should be more grateful for our weakness(es)...
We have a quick tendency to read this verse as "our weaknesses"; meaning, that when we submit to God, he shows us our flaws and faults and then empowers us to overcome them. This is certainly true. The healing process results in being cleansed of our addictive weaknesses by the power of the Atonement. Weak things and bad habits can become surely become strengths.
In Moroni's case, the specific weakness he worried about was his inability to write well enough to overcome the mocking scrutiny of the future gentiles who would read his writings. The Lord responsed by telling him that His "grace" will be sufficient to make up for any and all writing shortcomings Moroni had.
There is, however, another, more fundamental meaning to the verse. It does not read "weaknesses" (plural); rather, it was translated as "weakness", singular. ONE large weakness. Before we can fully submit and seek out relief from the Lord's Atonement we must first admit, often grudgingly, that we need Him in the first place. We have finally realize that we do not, nor will we ever, possess the capacity and capability to heal our ourselves from the earthstains we're soiled with.
Our one glaring weakness from which we need rescuing? Our fallen state. We've fallen and we can't get up! We are in desparate need for that Balm of Giliad only He can provide. When we come to Christ and learn of His Atonement, we come to more fully understand the enormous weakness for which we will never have enough willpower to overcome. Our human condition is our major weakness; it is our potential downfall. It is also our greatess blessing, however, as it prepares us for the eternities.
How does our weakness prepare us? When we realize just how much we do not know, we quit relying on our own strengths and begin to turn to that Celestial University from which we can graduate with honors. We have a heavenly benefactor who will tudor and inspire us to keep trying until our inherant weakness has become our strength.
One day, when we stand humbly in heavenly courts, our weakness, now overcome, will be for us a badge of honor. Like our Master, we will have tread the path and, with his intervention, we overcame. At that point, our former weakness will have become a proof of our successful struggle and of the Lord's great mercy.
Maybe we should be more grateful for our weakness(es)...
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Powerless
I've come to believe there is only one true sin in the universe--pride. Any sin we commit becomes an "act of independence" (Elder Hafen's phrase); that is, we willing choose to act in a way contrary to the laws of Heaven. In that moment, we choose our will over His; our desires over His desire for us. Also, in that moment, we have chosen to believe we know better than the God of the Universe.
It is for this reason that we cannot begin to effectively deal with our addictions until we completely accept the fact that the Lord is smarter and more intelligent than us; that He has the capacity and desire to love us to a greater extent than we can; that His ways, His path for us, is greater and more glorious than anything we could ever do on our own.
If we are to then accept His will, we also must accept that if we flail away, stubbornly trying to prove that we know better, we will find our addiction continues to hold us in a unrelenting vice of pain and destruction.
And if we are to recover, we must then accept we are powerless. Powerless! In this politically correct world, the idea of being 'powerless' is to admit we are incapable of changing our life on our own. We are a failure and can't do anything about it! Worse yet, we connect being powerless with being hurt or vunerable and undefended. It is for this reason that most theraputic strategies are focused on helping one become "empowered" and back in control.
Powerless?
Why would we admit that?
Why would You do that?
And why do we have to admit it in order to move on to other steps?
It is for this reason that we cannot begin to effectively deal with our addictions until we completely accept the fact that the Lord is smarter and more intelligent than us; that He has the capacity and desire to love us to a greater extent than we can; that His ways, His path for us, is greater and more glorious than anything we could ever do on our own.
If we are to then accept His will, we also must accept that if we flail away, stubbornly trying to prove that we know better, we will find our addiction continues to hold us in a unrelenting vice of pain and destruction.
And if we are to recover, we must then accept we are powerless. Powerless! In this politically correct world, the idea of being 'powerless' is to admit we are incapable of changing our life on our own. We are a failure and can't do anything about it! Worse yet, we connect being powerless with being hurt or vunerable and undefended. It is for this reason that most theraputic strategies are focused on helping one become "empowered" and back in control.
Powerless?
Why would we admit that?
Why would You do that?
And why do we have to admit it in order to move on to other steps?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Hurts, Habits and Hangups
Hurts, Habits and Hangups
A 12 Step Program for Healing the Natural Man
(Adapted from the LDS ARP Program)
Step 1-
Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your hurts, habits and hangups and that they are making your life unmanageable.
Step 2-
Come to believe that the power of God, through the Atonement, can heal “all our ills.”
Step 3-
Decide to return your will and your life to God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Step 4-
Make a searching and honest inventory of yourself.
Step 5-
Admit to yourself, to Heavenly Father, to proper priesthood authorities when necessary, and to others, those personal characteristics that need to change.
Step 6-
Become entirely ready to have God remove your shortcomings.
Step 7-
Humbly ask Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, to heal those shortcomings.
Step 8-
Make a list of all people you might have negatively impacted and seek to make restitution to them whenever possible.
Step 9-
Make a list of all people who might have harmed you and through the Atonement of Christ, frankly forgive them.
Step 10-
Take daily personal inventory and when you are wrong, promptly ask Heavenly Father for help.
Step 11-
Seek through humble prayer to know the Lord’s will and to be empowered to carry it out.
Step 12
Having had a spiritual awakening as result of Jesus Christ, share the message of Hope with others and practice these principles in all you do.
A 12 Step Program for Healing the Natural Man
(Adapted from the LDS ARP Program)
Step 1-
Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your hurts, habits and hangups and that they are making your life unmanageable.
Step 2-
Come to believe that the power of God, through the Atonement, can heal “all our ills.”
Step 3-
Decide to return your will and your life to God the Eternal Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
Step 4-
Make a searching and honest inventory of yourself.
Step 5-
Admit to yourself, to Heavenly Father, to proper priesthood authorities when necessary, and to others, those personal characteristics that need to change.
Step 6-
Become entirely ready to have God remove your shortcomings.
Step 7-
Humbly ask Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, to heal those shortcomings.
Step 8-
Make a list of all people you might have negatively impacted and seek to make restitution to them whenever possible.
Step 9-
Make a list of all people who might have harmed you and through the Atonement of Christ, frankly forgive them.
Step 10-
Take daily personal inventory and when you are wrong, promptly ask Heavenly Father for help.
Step 11-
Seek through humble prayer to know the Lord’s will and to be empowered to carry it out.
Step 12
Having had a spiritual awakening as result of Jesus Christ, share the message of Hope with others and practice these principles in all you do.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Mormons, Addictions and Weaknesses
The idea of a blog is for people to communicate and add their imput to mix. Within the LDS church we are good at so many things. Some areas, though, we struggle with--this is one of them.
To admit we have a problem is not a very Mormon thing to do. We are taught to become self reliant, to solve problems and to serve one another.
What happens when we run accross a habit, a behavior, an action that is bigger and stronger than we are. What do we do now?
What we do is learn the Atonement; not the one we thought we knew, but the one which heals and empowers. We come to learn the Savior that loves us, cares about us and requires our complete surrender to Him so he can provide the healing we so desparately need.
In short, we must admit what we do not want to admit. We must admit we cannot do it on our own, that our own efforts have failed. And we must, finally, recognize that the Plan of Happiness provided that we would never be able to exalt or heal ourselves. It was not in the Plan.
To heal from an addiction is to come to know better our Heavenly Father and His eternal love for us. It means we will come to know better what we can do and the long list of things we cannot do on our own. Thus, it means we will learn to trust and listen and change.
So, run down to LDS Social Services, get the ARP manual and lets go.
Are you ready to change yet?
To admit we have a problem is not a very Mormon thing to do. We are taught to become self reliant, to solve problems and to serve one another.
What happens when we run accross a habit, a behavior, an action that is bigger and stronger than we are. What do we do now?
What we do is learn the Atonement; not the one we thought we knew, but the one which heals and empowers. We come to learn the Savior that loves us, cares about us and requires our complete surrender to Him so he can provide the healing we so desparately need.
In short, we must admit what we do not want to admit. We must admit we cannot do it on our own, that our own efforts have failed. And we must, finally, recognize that the Plan of Happiness provided that we would never be able to exalt or heal ourselves. It was not in the Plan.
To heal from an addiction is to come to know better our Heavenly Father and His eternal love for us. It means we will come to know better what we can do and the long list of things we cannot do on our own. Thus, it means we will learn to trust and listen and change.
So, run down to LDS Social Services, get the ARP manual and lets go.
Are you ready to change yet?
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